Home Again: 20 Year Vows

Our tremendous gratitude to whoever created this installation. When we asked our friends Libby and Rich, who live on the island of Alameda in San Francisco Bay, if there was a beach they would recommend for our renewal of vows, they suggested this. The infinity symbol is also called a lemniscate, from the Latin for "decorated with ribbons". Perfect!

SO EXCITED.

We are not often good at remembering to get photos when we dress up; we're usually too focused on whatever we are dressing up for! But this time we knew we'd not look as nice after the ceremony as before so we made sure to get some photos to begin with. Thanks to Jenifer and Dan for shooting these! I love that you can see my good luck charms: my dress is something old, a years-long favorite. The faux flowers in my hair are something new. Something borrowed at the last minute from Libby, whose whom we are currently staying at and where we dressed, is a tie-on mermaid tail that I wore as a cape. Something blue is my grandmothers' turquoise bracelet.

James made some simple red flags to mark the little shoreside path from the parking lot to our beach. Libby made us a gift in the sand on the next stretch of beach up. We took a call from James' folks. Kalin played her guitar as guests arrived and fell madly in love with cairn-building, blessing the beach with many. Huge thanks to Libby and Kalin, who were ideal co-conspiritors!

Our ceremony began with the same introduction we wrote for our first wedding and used to renew our vows at ten years. This time we swapped which of us said which now-traditional parts; to each hear the other say to us what we have said in the past made the familiar words feel surprisingly new.

James:
Dearly Beloved...

Dahlia:
...thank you for coming here today to witness as we again become one.

Rumi asks, “who finds us here, circling bewildered, like atoms?” He points to our existence as individuals, as humans and birds and stars, and recognizes that together, we are god. That glory is our inner reality, the outer being a kind of language that explains that.

“Love is the religion, the universe is the book.”

What we have found in each other is a passion for experiencing both the inner glory and the outer language of being alive. By coming together here before you, our familiar divinity, we are giving ourselves to one another and to this passion for the rest of our lives.

When James and I found each other, we sought words to describe what it felt like. I found Rumi, and one night read to James:

James:
“As Rumi was riding through the marketplace, surrounded by a knot of disciples, a stranger with piercing eyes stepped from a doorway and seized his bridle. The stranger challenged him with a question.

“We cannot be entirely certain what the question was, but as Rumi was about to reply, he realized he had come face to face with the Mystery. A doorway to eternity flickered open…

“And in one pure outrageous act of faith, Rumi dove through. In an instant of mystical annihilation, fire met fire, ocean ocean, and Rumi fell into pure being.

“To the outside world, it is only recorded that, at Shams' question, Rumi tumbled to the ground, unconscious.

“Later he would say, 'What I first thought of as god, I met today as a human being.'

Dahlia:
The Radiance Sutras are a song of the love between the goddess Shakti and the god Shiva and of the search of all beings for union:

Both in unison:
Do me a favor, my love.
Let me rest in your embrace.
Refresh me with the elixir of your wisdom.
Ravish me with your truth.

Beloved, your questions
Touch the heart of wonder,
The path of intimacy with all life —
Weaving together body and soul,
Sex and spirit, individuality and universality.
Let me tell you of the luminous path.

James:
I am beyond measure.

Dahlia:
I am beyond space and time.

James:
I am beyond ancient and beyond the future.
There are no directions to me.

Dahlia:
I am always here.

James:
I am the embrace
of your most intimate experience.

Dahlia:
Though I am beyond the intellect
I am not beyond your daring.

James:
I am the nourishing state of fullness
That is the essence of soul.

Both in unison:
You belong to me, and I am yours.
I long to merge with you,
Be filled with your nourishing essence.
Lead me into joyous union
With the life of the universe,
That I may know it fully,
Realize it deeply,
and bathe in luminous truth.

At this point, we handed the ceremony book to Libby, I untied the magnificent cape and let it fall to the ground, and James and I took hands, turned away from our loved ones to face the sea, and began to slowly, carefully, pick our way across the rocks. As we did so, there was apparently much suspense among our guests, who were unaware of our intentions. If you were there, we'd be delighted to hear your experience of this in the comments!

Yes, we meant to do it just like this.

Then we rose from the sea and kissed.

And James raised his arm to signal:

Libby:
If you, the beloved family and friends of James and Kristie Dahlia, affirm that you have witnessed and sanctify this commitment, please answer with a resounding yes.

Which they did!

We all traipsed back along the path to Pier 29 restaurant to warm up and celebrate. The path was redolent with the fine smell of fennel in sunshine; I'd asked Libby to tear a little away to clear the path and she used it to line the sides.

We are so grateful to every person who was present. Thank you. It was important to us to revow ourselves on the true anniversary and to do so outdoors. The restaurant closed at 9:30, which meant we invited folks at 6:00 on a Thursday. People came from San Francisco, Marin, Berkeley, and Oakland. People left work early, got a babysitter, took the ferry, drove through rush hour traffic, and shared rides. People came pregnant and with a newborn and with a toddler who had been on a plane all day; one family came right from the airport, and another was picked up for the airport from the restaurant. People took photos shared here – thanks to John, Dan and Jenifer, Libby, and to Joshua Lutz, who apparently managed to triple himself and shoot the ceremony from every angle simultaneously, which our families will be so very grateful for. (Yes, moms, we have more photos for when we visit!) We did not host the reception; people bought their own drinks, and our drinks, and shared food and hugs and good conversation. We didn't think about cake, but Marcy and Josh, whose wedding I was honored to minister and James to shoot two weeks prior, brought exquisite Turkish delight in many flavors, and the restaurant didn't bat an eye when we passed it around, bless them. The whole ceremony was absolutely perfect: simple and profound and filled with love. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Alden and his mother Ofelia made some art at Pier 29. I love the peonies! James' hair was apparently an important final step for this drawing. Alden added a diving board to the sea portion of the ceremony, noting that it would be easier for us to get in that way; he's certainly right.

We were so charged up with love when we got home!

I believe that the quotations from our 1999 ceremony are from Michael Green's stellar book, The Illuminated Rumi, though Coleman Barks' fine translations of his work are what we have held most dear. The Radiance Sutras are a modern translation of the ancient Vijnana Bhairava Tantra by Lorin Roche; this text has been dear to my heart and a keystone in our conversations and my practice and teaching for many years.